15 minutes early

Hey friends!

It's been a little while since I've updated on here...so I think I shall in the 15 minutes before I have to go to work. I still have a Xanga account...and I sort of still keep up with that. (If you want to read that go to www.xanga.com/bellinaprincipessa) Anyway, I updated there last night and I am going to say much of the same thing. God has really opened my eyes to see just how selfish I truly am. I'm stepping out on a limb here and am going to be transparent with you all. I've always had a major struggle with having my devotions. It's not that I don't have the want to read my Bible and draw closer to God. It's that I haven't disciplined myself to not be selfish with the time God has given me. Instead of waking up just 15 minutes earlier, I think..."Oh yes! I have 15 more minutes I can sleep!" Instead of turning off the TV I think about how badly I need to watch this meaningless TV show or movie (not that there is really anything good on TV any more anyways). But God has really rebuked me about this. I can't help but think, "He died for me...why can't I give Him just 15 minutes?" Yes, it should be more, but 15 minutes is not long at all. Why can't I give Him just that?!!?! Because I'm selfish and self-centered. I want things to be done when I want them. If I want to sleep instead of reading my Bible...I will. But why? Why can't I be self-less when it comes to my Savior? Doesn't He deserve better? Of course He does. And I'm so unworthy of His love. That love that STILL loves me, even when I am like this and totally focused on me. Wow...He still loves me. Praise God for that!! With His help, I'm truly going to work at thinking less of me and thinking way more of Him. I want that desire to truly know Him. I want to be able to not get enough of Him and reading His Word. I want to be on FIRE for Him. And with His strength, since I am nothing without Him, I think I'll be able to do it.

God's also been showing me that the transfer from BJ to MBBC is going to be a good thing. It will be better than I'm making it out to be! And, He's truly giving me a heart to be somewhere else...soon. I'm not sure where that will be...but the uncertainty is kind of exciting. I can say with confidence that He's giving me a desire to do something different next summer, instead of this job I'm doing now. And, that really excites me. I want to know what it will be, but I'm content with waiting.

Work is unfortunately calling my name. So I guess that's all for now!