Late Post

This post should have been up a couple days ago, but alas it wasn't. I had a very good Christmas. This picture shows you what my favorite gift was. That's right folks, I got an iPod. I love it. It's so cool! My sister and I have been downloading music and working with them a lot. We also watched Pirate of the Caribbean 2 and it was really good. Can't wait until they bring out the 3rd...in a YEAR! I hate that movies are so slow like that. The release date is in May, but it won't be out on DVD until next winter, no doubt. Which means, I won't get to see it until then. That's not necessarily by my choice. It all depends on where I'm at in the summer and what their rules are on movie theaters and where my sister is. I most likely won't see it w/o her. But, I suppose it's good to stretch my patience and learn how to wait for things.

A lot of different things have been going through my mind. A lot of which would be too hard to put on here, but I shall try. First, I'm still thinking and praying about next summer, but I'm pretty sure of what I'm doing. After praying and thinking about what I want to do, I think I'm going to sign my contract with CoBeAc for a counselor this summer. I'm really excited about it but I know God has a lot of work to do in me first. It will be so strange not coming back to my job that I always have for the summer (the DayCare job) but I'm certain it will be a nice change. Second, I've been thinking about this coming semester. I'm excited to see it come, not gonna lie, but at the same time, the unknown lies ahead. I know God will bring things in my life where I'm going to have to rely on Him and trust fully in Him (like I should be doing EVERY day!) and I know He has some fun things planned too. I mean, when living in my room, how can you not have fun! :) It's also kind of scary to think about only having a year and a half left. I'll be graduating in a year...and some odd months. Crazy...and scary! Wow. But off that subject...the third thing I've been thinking about is a lot about my own personal walk with God. I know that there have been a lot of entries on here where I talk about my walk with God, but here's another one! :) Lately I've been realizing how much I don't desire God like I should. I think I might have mentioned something about this in the last entry with the service on Sunday. The message really made me think about who God is and that He's not more to me. I don't desire Him as I should. I don't long to spend time with Him like I should. I also realized I'm trying to rely on reading books about desiring God to help me desire Him more. I don't need books...I need to change me. I need to change how I think about things and how I view my relationship with God. No book is going to do that. It has to be me and my actions. Don't get me wrong. I've read some good books that talk about deepening our desire for God. But it's not the book or the words that will change me. It has to be actions and a whole new look at the relationship. I'm trying. It's good to be reminded about what Christ went through for me. It's good that God brings back to my memory that He longs for a deep personal relationship with me. Now that's an amazing thought and concept. He, the almighty, holy, worthy, AMAZING God wants to have a personal, deep relationship with someone as insignificant as me. Praise Him for that. Where would I be with Him? Not only am I striving to desire and long for a relationship with God now, but I'm striving to keep that going so that in a year from now, I can look back and see just how much that relationship has grown.

I guess that about wraps it all up for tonight. I'm finally tired enough to go to bed and sleep! I hope you all are enjoying your Christmas break as much as I am. Relaxation...sleeping in...my own home...home-made food...WARM December temperatures (literally folks, it's warm here in Indiana)...shopping and hanging out with my sister and other friends...yeah, I could get used to this!

I'm Here to Stay!

Well, at least for the time being! :) It's been a while since I've updated, so I figured I'd update now. Not too much has been happening since I last updated, honestly. My life is busy...but not too exciting. Christmas break is well underway. I've been home for a full week now(actually a little over!!). Man...it is flying! Christmas is tomorrow...UNBELIEVABLE!!! I'm ready though. I'm excited to give my presents to my family. I'm sure they'll love them. Today at church was great. I got to sleep in for the first Sunday home in a long time. The bus route I'm on always leaves around 8 every Sunday morning, so not much time to sleep in. But today we didn't run the buses so I got to sleep in. It was nice! :) Church was great. Pastor Crockett did an excellent job. It was a great Christmas message. Tonight's Christmas Eve service was good too. Then tonight after church, my family went over to my Dad's mom's house to eat pizza and spend some time with her. Well, my cousin was there with his wife and 2 kids. We spent some unexpected time with them. But it opened up my eyes to something God had shown me Tuesday. God has saved me from so much and has allowed me to life a much better life than most of the people in my graduating class and family even. Much (I won't say all...I do have hope) of my family on my dad's side are unsaved. They are relatively good people, just unsaved and living sinful lives. My graduating class...almost half of them haven't gone to any sort of college to make anything of themselves. Two of them already have babies (one is married), one had a miscarriage (unmarried), one is married and in the military, the last is married with a decent job she enjoys, but could've made much more for herself. All of these people have made me realize that God has truly blessed me beyond imagination with where He has me in my life right now. My friends, my family...everything. It's amazing how just when I think that I need something more or wish I had something different happening in my life, God shows me that if I did have the things I wanted, I wouldn't be happier. All I truly do need is Him. And I'm glad. I'm praising Him for His wonderful goodness to me.

Have you ever woke up in the morning and thought of living another day sinning? Let me explain. We all have sins that we commit every day. And the thought of doing that sin AGAIN comes to your mind, and you just don't want to get up? A while ago in Dorm Devos we talked a little about this. I know God will forgive. That's just Who He is. But the thought of failing Him AGAIN is one that's hard to deal with. But just thinking of the fact that God is gracious and so merciful...literally brings me to tears. Just to think that He loves me so much that He'll forgive me again and again and again...wow. I'm so thankful for this. Tonight in the service I was reminded of just Who Christ is. How much suffering He went through...for me. He was sent to earth, knowing He would one day bear the sins of the world. And He still did it. He still came. He still lived a perfect life. He still DIED for us. I know I've written about this often. But this thought, to me, gets better every time. I know we're human and we fall. But knowing God is faithful to forgive us of our sins is a thought that I love to think about.

So, while I'm thinking of this Christmas...I also think of Christ coming to be born and grow up one day to die for my sins. How great He is...and joy to the world that He came. He came to earth for me.

It's almost 11:30 on Christmas Eve. I hope each of you have a great Christmas Day tomorrow! Enjoy spending time with your family and friends. Merry Christmas!

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Last Week of Classes

Well, I've made it. I have made it to the last week of real classes for this semester. It feels good. It'll feel even better though when all finals are done and I am home for Christmas break! 3 weeks. That sounds sooo nice right now. I actually shouldn't be taking time out to write, but I figured I should since I haven't in a few days. And I had something to talk about! Today we had Dean's Chapel. Can I say now that Mrs. Brown is an AMAZING woman? Because she completely is. I could sit and listen to her for hours, not even joking. I really enjoyed what she said today about worship. I am exactly that way. I don't think enough about the words I'm singing but rather who's hearing me and if my voice sounds good. I'm more worried about what I'll have for lunch than the message being preached. I'm more concerned with the tests I have coming up or projects due the next day. So many other things consume my thoughts when God should be the only one. I was so rebuked today to hear that we should be truly worshipping in EVERYTHING we do. Every day should be a day when we worship God. I started reading "The Disciplines of a Godly Woman" but haven't made it too far (shows how disciplined I am!) but it's been good to read the first couple of chapters. I recommend it. I hope to read it more over Christmas break (I say that, but I doubt I will!). I picked up a book by C. J. Mahaney over Thanksgiving break. Okay, actually 2 books. One is called Humility (my roommate has read it and I can't wait to start--even though it will probably be the hardest book to read!--but I've started reading the other book. It's called, "Living the Cross Centered Life." I've read the Introduction and Forward and already I've been rebuked! It's amazing so far. I love how the introduction starts out like this: "Each of our lives is centered on something. What's at the center of yours?" It asks then what is our "second to none" priority? And let me tell you...that's a thought provoker! I had to sit and think for a few seconds to really see what was at the center of my life. I have always thought myself to be passionate about serving God. But after reading just a the few pages I already have of this book, I realize that HE is not my passion as He should be.

The cross so easily gets taken out of our every day thoughts. We get saved and for a few days we think about the cross and Christ dying for us. Then, after a few weeks, maybe a month or 2, we forget about the cross. We see it as something to just talk about when we are giving the gospel to someone that is lost. We see it as something to just think about when someone talks about how they got saved. This is me too. Not thinking about Christ's death very often. Not thinking about the pain, suffering, agony, DEATH He went through on that cross...for me. Why? Why is that fact so often cast out of my thoughts? For me personally, I take my salvation completely for granted. The amount of time I have spent out on State Street, seeing these people searching for something more...for happiness...for that moment, that time I see that unsaved person, I thank God for His gift to me. Then the night goes on and I forget about it. The next week comes and it's an endless cycle. Why? Why do I always take the precious, priceless gift of salvation for granted? Maybe it's because I think God owes it to me. Maybe it's because I think, "Of course I'm saved. Do you know who I am?" Maybe it's because...and the list could go on with empty answers. The true reason I do, I think it's because I see it too often. I'm around people that call themselves Christians ALL the time. I'm around them at school, at church, at home...in all the places I get to interact with people so intimately I'm surrounded by Christians. Now, I'm not saying I desire to be put into a situation where there are no other Christians around. But I don't see the unsaved often. I don't think of the life I used to live. I don't see people that act like I used to before I was saved. I don't associate with that life any more. Praise the Lord for that! But it's put out of my mind so much and so often, I just don't even think about what Christ really did for me. When I stop to think about it, it literally brings me to tears. All that Christ went through so that I could go to Heaven, where I most certainly do NOT deserve to go. Think of it. Isn't the power of the gospel, the mighty power of the cross something we all should be meditating on every day? Shouldn't we be constantly thanking God for this gift? A saying that C. J. Mahaney puts in his book that I really like is this: "The first and most important thing you can do--always--is simply to make sure the gospel is at the very center of your life." This is something I'm really trying to do. Make the gospel--the cross-- the center of my life. I'd like to share 2 more quotes that are put into this book. I believe they are some of the best so far...with more to come I'm sure. "We never move on from the cross, only into a more profound understanding of the cross." "By better understanding His suffering, we'll grow in a consistent joy and zeal that will equip us for whatever trials God brings our way in the process of our sanctification."

How deep the Father's love for us
How vast beyond all measure
That He should give His only Son
To make a wretch His treasure
How great the pain of searing loss
The Father turns His face away
As wounds which mar the chosen One
Bring many sons to glory

Behold the Man upon a cross
My sin upon His shoulders
Ashamed I hear my mocking voice
Call out among the scoffers
It was my sin that held Him there
Until it was accomplished
His dying breath has brought me life
I know that it is finished

I will not boast in anything
No gifts, no power, no wisdom
But I will boast in Jesus Christ
His death and resurrection
Why should I gain from His reward
I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart
His wounds have paid my ransom