Many thoughts

I have so many things on my mind right now. And it's hard to sort them all out. Most thoughts aren't too confusing...yet, I feel so confused about them all! I know in time, God will sort them out and I will know the answers to them all, but that waiting period is the roughest.

The loan went through and so thankfully, I get to go up to MBBC in 1 week. Actually a little less than 1 week now. I'll be leaving mid-afternoon on Thursday. I'm excited. I want to go. Real bad! So, thankfully I'll be going. I can't believe it came so fast. It seems like the beginning of summer was just yesterday. But, I'm so glad it's here now.

I have come to the realization that I am a failure. I'm a failure in my relationship with God. I'm a failure in my relationships here on earth. I'm just a failure at so many things. Why does that surprise me? I don't know. It shouldn't. I don't take enough time to work at my relationships...so it shouldn't surprise me when I realize I'm a failure. What can I do differently to NOT be a failure? Try harder, I guess. Discipline myself. Work at it. I don't know. I have brought this upon myself, so only I can "fix" it. God remains faithful to me even when I'm SO unfaithful to Him. And my earthly relationships...well, I'm still so unfaithful to them. It's almost like, I don't care and don't want it. But, I DO!!! After next week, I'll be away from home, away from my comfort zone, away from my "normal" surroundings. And all I will have are those few relationships I remain faithful to. And that hurts that I've brought on so much of it myself...knowing that I'm the one that needs to take care of it all. Today would be a good day to start off, right? Maybe I will. No, no maybe. I will!