Faith in God's Control

Over the past few, well, I guess weeks now, God has really been trying to teach me to have more faith in Him. There are many times that I find myself not wanting to trust Him. But why? I mean, He did create me. He does have a perfect plan for my life, doesn't He? What makes me think I have a better plan and will for my life than He does? For crying out loud...I'm human and He's GOD. He knows all...I know nothing. Why am I trying to keep parts of my life from being in God's total control? Why do I still hang on to those small areas in my life, when I know...beyond the shadow of a doubt...He has a plan to glorify Himself through my life? Why should I want to change it so that I'm in control and not glorifying Him? It's strange how we think sometimes. We often think we're invincible and that we know what's best for our lives, when all we really need to do is hide ourselves in the One that truly knows what's best for us. God's been trying to teach me to trust in Him for the seemingly small things in my life now, then later I'll be able to trust and have faith in Him for the bigger things in life. But it's almost as if I shouldn't have to go through trusting Him in the small things just to trust Him in the big things. I should already trust Him. But, I don't. He's very patient with me. Waiting for me to have faith in Him and trust Him for everything.

I was noticing this morning at the Madrigal Rehearsal how Dr. Budahl is a man of faith and trust in God. This is his last semester here at MBBC teaching music. He'll be going back on the mission field next year. I've only known the man this semester, really. He's made such an impact in my life already. I don't know if he knows exactly what he'll be doing once he's back on the mission field, but even if he does, how much faith does he need in God to direct, lead, and provide for him and his wife. He's an amazing man. I'm so broken right now about my lack of faith and trust in my God.

In reading the book, "Living the Cross-Centered Life" by C. J. Mahaney, I have been completely rebuked also in my lack of love for my Savior. This is definitely a book every Christian should read. It will change your outlook on life. It has mine. To picture the true picture of Christ dying on the cross is simply amazing. To picture the love God has for us to send His Son...His only Son for us...for me...is something that honestly brings me to tears to think about. He loved me that much...to die. Not just die. He was brutally marred, scarred, beaten, mocked...tortured in every sense of the word...for you and me. He didn't have to. He prayed that God would let this cup (the cup of God's wrath) pass from Him, yet not Christ's will, but God's will be done. He didn't have to die for us. But He wanted to because He loves us that much. And this brings me back to the lack of faith and trust. He loved me that much...and I can't trust Him?! How stupid of me to even think for one second that He doesn't know what's best for me!

The picture I posted up there reminds of a song that Madrigal is singing called "Hymn of Mercy." The words always get me. It's amazing. I hope they're a blessing to you, as they have been to me.

Gracious Lord, Thy mercy filleth
All the earth below;

And from heaven's throne it falleth

When to Thee I go.

Mercy flowing, swift pursuing
Like a river strong,

Sympathizing with my weakness;

Mercy suff'ring long.

Mercy calling with compassion:

"Oh, return to Me!"

Wounded are the hands extended;

Loving is the plea.

How can I refuse Thy mercy?
Whither would I flee?

From my idol shrine I turn Lord,

Reaching up to Thee.

Tender mercy of the Savior,

Gently drawing nigh;

With the blood that cleanseth sinners,

Ready to apply.

Gracious Lord, Thy mercy filleth

All the earth, below;

And from heaven's throne it falleth

When to Thee I go.

I Come by the Blood

I know it's been a while since I've updated, and well, this one isn't much of update on my life. But, I've got the wheels on my mind spinning with things, and this is something that needed to come out. 2 Sundays ago, I was up at Camp Chetek going to church there at Faith and this song was sung. The words really hit me. I've been thinking about them for a while and they've been a blessing to me. Read and enjoy :)

You are the perfect and righteous God
Whose presence bears no sin
You bid me come to Your holy place
How can I enter in
When Your presence bears no sin?
Through Him, who poured out His life for me
The atoning Lamb of God
Through Him, and His work alone
I boldly come

I come by the blood, I come by the cross
Where Your mercy flows
From hands pierced for me
For I dare not stand on my righteousness
My every hope rests on what Christ has done
And I come by the blood

You are the high and exalted King
The One the angels fear
So far above me in every way
Lord, how can I draw near
To the One the angels fear?
Through Him who laid down His life for me
And ascended to Your side
Through Him, through Jesus alone
I boldly come

I come by the blood, I come by the cross
Where Your mercy flows
From hands pierced for me
For I dare not stand on my righteousness
My every hope rests on what Christ has done
And I come by the blood

The Love of God and my weakness

The love of God is greater far
Than tongue or pen can ever tell;
It goes beyond the highest star,
And reaches to the lowest hell;
The guilty pair, bowed down with care,
God gave His Son to win;
His erring child He reconciled,
And pardoned from his sin.

O love of God, how rich and pure!
How measureless and strong!
It shall forevermore endure
The saints’ and angels’ song.

When years of time shall pass away,
And earthly thrones and kingdoms fall,
When men, who here refuse to pray,
On rocks and hills and mountains call,
God’s love so sure, shall still endure,
All measureless and strong;
Redeeming grace to Adam’s race—
The saints’ and angels’ song.

O love of God, how rich and pure!
How measureless and strong!
It shall forevermore endure
The saints’ and angels’ song.

Could we with ink the ocean fill,
And were the skies of parchment made,
Were every stalk on earth a quill,
And every man a scribe by trade,
To write the love of God above,
Would drain the ocean dry.
Nor could the scroll contain the whole,
Though stretched from sky to sky.

This song has been on my mind all last night and today. In Core Group, we're talking about Gomer and Hosea. In my reading for this study, it's been amazing to read about and to be constantly thinking about God's love for me. To me, it's one of those things that you know in your mind - God loves you. But to really know it in your heart is another. Just thinking about God's love brings me to tears. To try to think of Him loving someone like me that much, is almost inconceivable. The puny human love we have is nothing compared to God's amazing love for us.

I know it's been a while since I posted, and for my faithful readers (all 2 of you) I apologize. The start of the semester came fast for me, and things just got pushed aside that weren't pertinent to school. But, I must mention that things are good here. I'm enjoying my classes (I have 4 Early Childhood classes (one of which is my Fieldwork that I'm really enjoying!!) and 2 Bible classes that I am equally enjoying). Contrary to my last post, I did not sign my contract for CoBeAc. I prayed about it, and felt God closing that door and opening it more for going back home and working at my Daycare. I couldn't be happier. I absolutely love that job and am looking forward to putting what I'm learning here at college into practice with the kids.

I had the privilege of going on State Street for the first time this semester. It was amazing. I certainly got challenged. Being out with 3 people I had never gone with before was good. Jen Scates, Sarah Ray, and Micah Lomax. Jen got to talk to 2 people (Sarah joined in the 2nd one) and Micah talked to 2 people as well. The 2nd he got to talk to, was actually my first one of the evening. It was scary at first. I knew I was not adequately prepared to talk to this unsaved man about my Savior. But, despite my inadequacy, I managed to talk to him for a few minutes before Micah came over. This man believed in some weird stuff, not gonna lie! He believe everything, including my coat, was living. He believed that when he died, he would go into the cosmos. And I froze at that. I had absolutely no idea what to say to him. Thankfully, just at the moment I needed some "back-up," Micah came over and talked to him. Standing there, I was amazed at how God was working through Micah to talk to this man, Mitch. Although Mitch still believed some, interesting things, I believe he came away with a new perspective about things. I definitely was challenged last night to truly study God's word so that I can properly talk to these people. God has given me such an awesome gift of salvation, and yes, I can tell people about how He saved me, yet I don't know much when it comes to these other subject and topics of beliefs. He challenged me and showed me that in my weakness, He is truly strong and will show Himself strong.

A new week starts tomorrow. I truly pray that God will allow me to be in His word more this week than I was last week. That I will be praying to Him more this week than last week. That I will draw closer to Him this week than last week. I don't doubt my God. He will draw nigh to me as I draw nigh to Him.

Late Post

This post should have been up a couple days ago, but alas it wasn't. I had a very good Christmas. This picture shows you what my favorite gift was. That's right folks, I got an iPod. I love it. It's so cool! My sister and I have been downloading music and working with them a lot. We also watched Pirate of the Caribbean 2 and it was really good. Can't wait until they bring out the 3rd...in a YEAR! I hate that movies are so slow like that. The release date is in May, but it won't be out on DVD until next winter, no doubt. Which means, I won't get to see it until then. That's not necessarily by my choice. It all depends on where I'm at in the summer and what their rules are on movie theaters and where my sister is. I most likely won't see it w/o her. But, I suppose it's good to stretch my patience and learn how to wait for things.

A lot of different things have been going through my mind. A lot of which would be too hard to put on here, but I shall try. First, I'm still thinking and praying about next summer, but I'm pretty sure of what I'm doing. After praying and thinking about what I want to do, I think I'm going to sign my contract with CoBeAc for a counselor this summer. I'm really excited about it but I know God has a lot of work to do in me first. It will be so strange not coming back to my job that I always have for the summer (the DayCare job) but I'm certain it will be a nice change. Second, I've been thinking about this coming semester. I'm excited to see it come, not gonna lie, but at the same time, the unknown lies ahead. I know God will bring things in my life where I'm going to have to rely on Him and trust fully in Him (like I should be doing EVERY day!) and I know He has some fun things planned too. I mean, when living in my room, how can you not have fun! :) It's also kind of scary to think about only having a year and a half left. I'll be graduating in a year...and some odd months. Crazy...and scary! Wow. But off that subject...the third thing I've been thinking about is a lot about my own personal walk with God. I know that there have been a lot of entries on here where I talk about my walk with God, but here's another one! :) Lately I've been realizing how much I don't desire God like I should. I think I might have mentioned something about this in the last entry with the service on Sunday. The message really made me think about who God is and that He's not more to me. I don't desire Him as I should. I don't long to spend time with Him like I should. I also realized I'm trying to rely on reading books about desiring God to help me desire Him more. I don't need books...I need to change me. I need to change how I think about things and how I view my relationship with God. No book is going to do that. It has to be me and my actions. Don't get me wrong. I've read some good books that talk about deepening our desire for God. But it's not the book or the words that will change me. It has to be actions and a whole new look at the relationship. I'm trying. It's good to be reminded about what Christ went through for me. It's good that God brings back to my memory that He longs for a deep personal relationship with me. Now that's an amazing thought and concept. He, the almighty, holy, worthy, AMAZING God wants to have a personal, deep relationship with someone as insignificant as me. Praise Him for that. Where would I be with Him? Not only am I striving to desire and long for a relationship with God now, but I'm striving to keep that going so that in a year from now, I can look back and see just how much that relationship has grown.

I guess that about wraps it all up for tonight. I'm finally tired enough to go to bed and sleep! I hope you all are enjoying your Christmas break as much as I am. Relaxation...sleeping in...my own home...home-made food...WARM December temperatures (literally folks, it's warm here in Indiana)...shopping and hanging out with my sister and other friends...yeah, I could get used to this!

I'm Here to Stay!

Well, at least for the time being! :) It's been a while since I've updated, so I figured I'd update now. Not too much has been happening since I last updated, honestly. My life is busy...but not too exciting. Christmas break is well underway. I've been home for a full week now(actually a little over!!). Man...it is flying! Christmas is tomorrow...UNBELIEVABLE!!! I'm ready though. I'm excited to give my presents to my family. I'm sure they'll love them. Today at church was great. I got to sleep in for the first Sunday home in a long time. The bus route I'm on always leaves around 8 every Sunday morning, so not much time to sleep in. But today we didn't run the buses so I got to sleep in. It was nice! :) Church was great. Pastor Crockett did an excellent job. It was a great Christmas message. Tonight's Christmas Eve service was good too. Then tonight after church, my family went over to my Dad's mom's house to eat pizza and spend some time with her. Well, my cousin was there with his wife and 2 kids. We spent some unexpected time with them. But it opened up my eyes to something God had shown me Tuesday. God has saved me from so much and has allowed me to life a much better life than most of the people in my graduating class and family even. Much (I won't say all...I do have hope) of my family on my dad's side are unsaved. They are relatively good people, just unsaved and living sinful lives. My graduating class...almost half of them haven't gone to any sort of college to make anything of themselves. Two of them already have babies (one is married), one had a miscarriage (unmarried), one is married and in the military, the last is married with a decent job she enjoys, but could've made much more for herself. All of these people have made me realize that God has truly blessed me beyond imagination with where He has me in my life right now. My friends, my family...everything. It's amazing how just when I think that I need something more or wish I had something different happening in my life, God shows me that if I did have the things I wanted, I wouldn't be happier. All I truly do need is Him. And I'm glad. I'm praising Him for His wonderful goodness to me.

Have you ever woke up in the morning and thought of living another day sinning? Let me explain. We all have sins that we commit every day. And the thought of doing that sin AGAIN comes to your mind, and you just don't want to get up? A while ago in Dorm Devos we talked a little about this. I know God will forgive. That's just Who He is. But the thought of failing Him AGAIN is one that's hard to deal with. But just thinking of the fact that God is gracious and so merciful...literally brings me to tears. Just to think that He loves me so much that He'll forgive me again and again and again...wow. I'm so thankful for this. Tonight in the service I was reminded of just Who Christ is. How much suffering He went through...for me. He was sent to earth, knowing He would one day bear the sins of the world. And He still did it. He still came. He still lived a perfect life. He still DIED for us. I know I've written about this often. But this thought, to me, gets better every time. I know we're human and we fall. But knowing God is faithful to forgive us of our sins is a thought that I love to think about.

So, while I'm thinking of this Christmas...I also think of Christ coming to be born and grow up one day to die for my sins. How great He is...and joy to the world that He came. He came to earth for me.

It's almost 11:30 on Christmas Eve. I hope each of you have a great Christmas Day tomorrow! Enjoy spending time with your family and friends. Merry Christmas!

Maybe something new?

Check this out and tell me what you think! :)

http://aboundinggrace.wordpress.com/

Last Week of Classes

Well, I've made it. I have made it to the last week of real classes for this semester. It feels good. It'll feel even better though when all finals are done and I am home for Christmas break! 3 weeks. That sounds sooo nice right now. I actually shouldn't be taking time out to write, but I figured I should since I haven't in a few days. And I had something to talk about! Today we had Dean's Chapel. Can I say now that Mrs. Brown is an AMAZING woman? Because she completely is. I could sit and listen to her for hours, not even joking. I really enjoyed what she said today about worship. I am exactly that way. I don't think enough about the words I'm singing but rather who's hearing me and if my voice sounds good. I'm more worried about what I'll have for lunch than the message being preached. I'm more concerned with the tests I have coming up or projects due the next day. So many other things consume my thoughts when God should be the only one. I was so rebuked today to hear that we should be truly worshipping in EVERYTHING we do. Every day should be a day when we worship God. I started reading "The Disciplines of a Godly Woman" but haven't made it too far (shows how disciplined I am!) but it's been good to read the first couple of chapters. I recommend it. I hope to read it more over Christmas break (I say that, but I doubt I will!). I picked up a book by C. J. Mahaney over Thanksgiving break. Okay, actually 2 books. One is called Humility (my roommate has read it and I can't wait to start--even though it will probably be the hardest book to read!--but I've started reading the other book. It's called, "Living the Cross Centered Life." I've read the Introduction and Forward and already I've been rebuked! It's amazing so far. I love how the introduction starts out like this: "Each of our lives is centered on something. What's at the center of yours?" It asks then what is our "second to none" priority? And let me tell you...that's a thought provoker! I had to sit and think for a few seconds to really see what was at the center of my life. I have always thought myself to be passionate about serving God. But after reading just a the few pages I already have of this book, I realize that HE is not my passion as He should be.

The cross so easily gets taken out of our every day thoughts. We get saved and for a few days we think about the cross and Christ dying for us. Then, after a few weeks, maybe a month or 2, we forget about the cross. We see it as something to just talk about when we are giving the gospel to someone that is lost. We see it as something to just think about when someone talks about how they got saved. This is me too. Not thinking about Christ's death very often. Not thinking about the pain, suffering, agony, DEATH He went through on that cross...for me. Why? Why is that fact so often cast out of my thoughts? For me personally, I take my salvation completely for granted. The amount of time I have spent out on State Street, seeing these people searching for something more...for happiness...for that moment, that time I see that unsaved person, I thank God for His gift to me. Then the night goes on and I forget about it. The next week comes and it's an endless cycle. Why? Why do I always take the precious, priceless gift of salvation for granted? Maybe it's because I think God owes it to me. Maybe it's because I think, "Of course I'm saved. Do you know who I am?" Maybe it's because...and the list could go on with empty answers. The true reason I do, I think it's because I see it too often. I'm around people that call themselves Christians ALL the time. I'm around them at school, at church, at home...in all the places I get to interact with people so intimately I'm surrounded by Christians. Now, I'm not saying I desire to be put into a situation where there are no other Christians around. But I don't see the unsaved often. I don't think of the life I used to live. I don't see people that act like I used to before I was saved. I don't associate with that life any more. Praise the Lord for that! But it's put out of my mind so much and so often, I just don't even think about what Christ really did for me. When I stop to think about it, it literally brings me to tears. All that Christ went through so that I could go to Heaven, where I most certainly do NOT deserve to go. Think of it. Isn't the power of the gospel, the mighty power of the cross something we all should be meditating on every day? Shouldn't we be constantly thanking God for this gift? A saying that C. J. Mahaney puts in his book that I really like is this: "The first and most important thing you can do--always--is simply to make sure the gospel is at the very center of your life." This is something I'm really trying to do. Make the gospel--the cross-- the center of my life. I'd like to share 2 more quotes that are put into this book. I believe they are some of the best so far...with more to come I'm sure. "We never move on from the cross, only into a more profound understanding of the cross." "By better understanding His suffering, we'll grow in a consistent joy and zeal that will equip us for whatever trials God brings our way in the process of our sanctification."

How deep the Father's love for us
How vast beyond all measure
That He should give His only Son
To make a wretch His treasure
How great the pain of searing loss
The Father turns His face away
As wounds which mar the chosen One
Bring many sons to glory

Behold the Man upon a cross
My sin upon His shoulders
Ashamed I hear my mocking voice
Call out among the scoffers
It was my sin that held Him there
Until it was accomplished
His dying breath has brought me life
I know that it is finished

I will not boast in anything
No gifts, no power, no wisdom
But I will boast in Jesus Christ
His death and resurrection
Why should I gain from His reward
I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart
His wounds have paid my ransom

Pictures...finally!

Finally, I know!! I've had a GREAT week home...and so I haven't had much time to write. BUT...I do have my camera cord so now I can post the pictures of the King's Kids retreat. Enjoy!

This is the RED girls table.

This is the RED boys table.

Game time!

Painting our nails.

They had so much fun!

Shawnie and Ashlin loved painting their nails!

Shawnie, Me, and Abby

Game Time--Amoeba

I had so much fun counseling for this. It was a BLAST! I wish I could do it again. I don't know that anyone got saved, but I do know that the kids really enjoyed themselves, and God worked in my own life because of this. I praise Him for that! These kids were great...and best of all the RED TEAM won!!! Good job guys! :) Well, it's 9:30 and I have to get to bed...an early morning tomorrow, church, and then back up north to MBBC. I'll be sure to update again soon. Oh...and by the way....

LET THE COUNTDOWN BEGIN!!! It is 19 days until I come home again for Christmas. Fun times there...especially with my best friend and sister. Can't wait! :)

A Change

Yes yes yes...I know. I changed my layout AGAIN! I'm sorry. I have trouble finding one I really like. I think it might be this one though. I like it! :) So, hopefully I won't change it again...for a while at least!

Anway, it's been great being at home for the past 4 days. It's been a refreshing break from school. Don't get me wrong. I absolutely LOVE being at Maranatha and learning all those wonderful things...but there's just something about being home. But, there is something different about it this time. I don't fully feel like I'm home. I don't know. It's a weird feeling. It's almost as if I'm visiting. But yet it is my home. It's weird. But, I kind of like it. I've really been thinking about what I really feel God is calling me to do after I graduate. Yeah, it's still 3 whole semesters away, but trust me. That time will fly. I've been thinking about it all. I'd absolutely love to teach PreSchool...honestly. I love those kids! But, I don't know where any more. I know God will lead me exactly where He wants me, but for a while now, I've always thought (maybe the right word is assumed) it'd be back at my old school. Now, I don't think I'd particularly mind that...but there's something about the thought of leaving...and going somewhere else. A new place. I don't know. I'm sure I'll be content (or at least try to be!) with wherever God sends me. It's rough not knowing, but at the same time it's somewhat exciting knowing that God's in control of it all. There's something comforting about resting in Him. Praise the Lord He's in control and I can rest in Him.

So I took some pictures from the King's Kids retreat. It was SO much fun! I completely loved it. I'd do it again in a heartbeat. The kids I was with were so wonderful. The games were fun, the preaching was good...it was a great time. I'm so glad I had the opportunity to counsel at it. I'm actually considering telling my Youth Pastor about it and see if he'll consider doing one too. That'd be awesome! We'll see what happens. Anyway, I'm hoping to find my camera cord here soon so I can put up my pictures.

So tomorrow is Thanksgiving Day. It's come fast this year it seems. And Christmas will be here before we know it. Wow. I can't believe it. Time is flying. But, I'm enjoying it. I hope you all have a great Thanksgiving Day. We all have MUCH to thankful for. Let's praise God for His goodness and His mercy He's bestowed upon us. To God be the glory!

Complete in Thee

This song has been on my mind today. I've been singing the chorus over and over again. The words are so powerful. May you read them and meditate on them today.

Complete in Thee! no work of mine
May take, dear Lord, the place of Thine;
Thy blood hath pardon bought for me,
And I am now complete in Thee.

Chorus:
Yea, justified! O blessed thought!
And sanctified! Salvation wrought!
Thy blood hath pardon bought for me,
And glorified, I too, shall be!

Complete in Thee! no more shall sin,
Thy grace hath conquered, reign within;
Thy voice shall bid the tempter flee,
And I shall stand complete in Thee.

Chorus

Complete in Thee— each want supplied,
And no good thing to me denied;
Since Thou my portion, Lord, wilt be,
I ask no more, complete in Thee.

Chorus

Dear Saviour! when before Thy bar
All tribes and tongues assembled are,
Among Thy chosen will I be,
At Thy right hand, complete in Thee.

Chorus

I Could Not Stay

This morning's message was AMAZING. It was definitely something I needed. Pastor Loggans is in Hungary right now, so Pastor Doug preached this morning. Pastor Doug was my Youth Pastor for about a year...and my Bible teacher for a couple years before they left Indiana. I've missed them...and I'm SO happy to be here in Watertown with them. Pastor Doug preached from Jeremiah 20. In chapter 19, Jeremiah is preaching a message, and it is ignored. In chapter 20 verse 9, Jeremiah says, "I will not make mention of him, nor speak any more in his name. But his word was in mine heart as a burning fire shut up in my bones and I was weary with forbearing, and I could not stay." Jeremiah is ready to quit because he thinks God lied to him about people hearing is message and believe what he has to say. But in the latter part of verse 9 he realizes that he couldn't NOT talk about God because His word was in his heart. Pastor Doug said that even though Jeremiah went through so many challenges and trials, he still remained faithful to God. He gave us 3 principles we can learn from this. 1) Discouragements will come. We must remember that we, as Christians, will have discouraging things happen to us. Something Pastor Doug said really stuck with me. He said that, "God is in the process of maturing us." God uses the hard, challenging trials to make us more like Him and to mature us in our Christian walk. Also, he asked us a question: "How often are we ready to give up when what God brings into our lives isn't what we wanted or planned on?" And how true that is! When our plans don't seem to line up with what God's plans are, we're ready to give up on following God thinking we know what is best. Our plans and God's plan need to be the same. 2) If you're truly saved, you can't quit. We, as Christians, can't just quit our walk with Christ, if we're truly saved. No matter what God brings along, and no matter if we think it's not what's best...we can't quit. We are His children, and He will guide us where He knows is best for us. 3) God's in control. What a great reminder! He's always with us. We should rejoice in...sing praises to His name! Verse 13 says, "Sing unto the LORD, praise ye the LORD: for he hath delivered the soul of the poor from the hand of evildoers." Praise the Lord He's in control and He's leading us. I can't imagine what my life would be like if I were trying to lead myself! Another saying Pastor Doug said this morning that I really enjoyed was this: "A crisis doesn't make a man, but rather reveals what he's made of." And this is very true. It's such a rebuke to know that I should go to God, and yet I don't go to Him first. This message was definitely one I needed.

This week is going to go SO slow...I can't wait for Friday night!! I'm so excited for the King's Kids retreat. I LOVE going to King's Kids every Wednesday night. They're AMAZING kids...and I can't wait! I'm gonna take my camera (no worries!!) so I can take pics for y'all. Then, Saturday afternoon I'm headed home! How exciting! Home for a whole week. I can't believe it's almost here! I hope I can concentrate on my schoolwork this week. I'm sure I shall. I have 2 major (for me at least!) papers due, a test, and 2 quizzes (maybe 3) so maybe it won't go too slow. I hope! :)

Well friends...it's after 10. The sooner I go to bed, the sooner Monday will start and the week will be that much closer to being over! Have a great Monday...and make sure to be in the Word. God is AWESOME...literally. Stop and think of how awesome He is. Stand in awe of the Almighty, Unchangeable God.

Let it Snow!!

I absolutely LOVE the snow! It's gorgeous! The slushy stuff we had earlier wasn't nice...but true snow is so pretty. The winter weather makes me want to cozy up by a fire with a good book (probably a play by Shakespeare!!) with a nice cup of (coffee, hot chocolate, or tea..whichever one my heart desires at the moment) and just be filled with the warmth of the fire. Doesn't that sound nice?! :)

Too often I find myself searching for something. This week, I've been searching for answers. The answer to "Why, God?" But He hasn't given me the answer...and I've stopped asking. His hand is in control of everything, and I've definitely learned this fact. He does things we don't always understand, but we just have to trust Him. That's hard, I know...but life is so much easier trusting in His perfect will. Yes, it hurts when we find out that He's allowed something to happen...but it's a comfort to rest in this verse: "But as for you, ye thought evil against me; but God meant it unto good, to bring to pass, as it is this day, to save much people alive." Things happen in our lives that make us wonder what God is doing...and how He could let something so bad happen. But we see in this verse...that what we think is evil...God means it for good. What a comfort.

I have 1 week until I go home for Thanksgiving. I couldn't be more excited. This next week isn't going to be TOO busy (Praise the Lord!) but just busy enough to keep me hopping. I'm looking forward to Friday night and Saturday morning/early afternoon. I signed up to be a Counselor at the King's Kids retreat Calvary is hosting for the kids. I'm really excited. I'm already praying that God will work in my life before this happens and that God will work in the kids' lives. Then on Saturday, my Daddy and I are driving home. It will seem weird to be going home, since I haven't been home since August...but it's a MUCH NEEDED break! I get to see and spend time with my sister (my best friend) and have some Mommy-cooked meals. Oh, I can hardly wait! Also when I go home, I'll get the cord that hooks my camera to my computer so I can start posting pictures on here. It's about time, right?!

Here's a Christmas song that's always been one of my favorites. I hope you enjoy! (Sorry it's so short!!!)

I'm dreaming of a white Christmas
Just like the ones I used to know
Where the treetops glisten
and children listen
To hear sleigh bells in the snow.

I'm dreaming of a white Christmas
With every Christmas card I write
May your days be merry and bright
And may all your Christmases be white.

Short and Sweet

So after my "book" I wrote last time, I won't write one quite as long. Have you ever had one of those days when you know God's teaching you something, but you don't know what it is? And it's almost as though everything that happens is specifically pointing you to that one thing God's trying to teach you? This is most definitely one of those days...actually it's one of those weeks! But I find that the more I hide myself in God and His Word, the clearer it all becomes. (Profound, I know!) But it's amazing to know that even though it's driving me NUTS not knowing exactly what God's teaching me, that He's still in control. So many emotions...so many thoughts. God's leading...and I'm really glad He's in control. Scary to think of what I would do if I were in control!

How can I make it thru another day--
My heart is troubled so?
It seems the blessings always pass me by,
And heartache's all I know.
The trials in my life,
Such struggles how they burden so!
No hope lies in my flesh
To Him I now must go.

As for my God, His way is perfect
His Word has never failed the test.
His words of promise cheer me always
All my doubts I know confess.
Oh, He's a shield from Satan's fiery darts,
He will always be my stay.
I will never find a closer friend,
He's beside me all the way.

Where can I turn when friends reject my love,
And no one seems to care?
And all life's troubles come from every side
And strife is in the air?
My God's still on the throne.
His tender love He longs to share.
My hope is now in Him,
My burdens He helps bear!

One More Memory

This week is going to be filled with "one more" things. I have one more Sunday until I go home for Thanksgiving. I'll have one more Monday until I go home too. I have a countdown feature on my cell phone and it's counting down the days. It's at 12 days, 2 hours, and some odd minutes. I can't wait to be home. I can't wait to see my Dad, Mom, Sister...just to be home. I'm ready for a break!

Yesterday was a great day at church. Pastor Loggans preached a great message in the morning. He got me thinking about memories. He preached on Joshua 4 where the Israelites were to build a memorial of rocks so when their children asked about it, they could tell them the story of how God led them across the dry land. I started thinking about my family and memories that I have made over the years. I've made so many with my sister. She's my best friend and I can't wait to spend time with her making more memories. Some of our best memories are from when we were little, playing Barbie dolls during the WHOLE summer! Fun times right there! (Hey Sherry--"LOOK WHAT YOU DID!!!!) I remember when I was really little, my Dad would sit in the living room of our house, look over at me, and start saying (real slow) "I'm...gonna...get....that..." and he usually would never finish it because I'd run to my Mom for cover because I knew he'd chase me and start to tickle me. Well, he wouldn't be right after me...so when I ran into my Mom...and didn't see him, I'd sneak back out to see where he was. Usually he'd be right there in the living room still...waiting for me to come back. A memory with my mom is when my sister and I were young, in the summer (before my mom got a job) we'd all 3 sit in the living room and my mom would read to us. We'd go through different books in the summer but one of my favorites was "The Secret Garden." She'd read to us and my sister and I would "fix" her hair. Then we'd eat lunch or start dinner or whatever else needed done after the reading time was over. I used to go over to my Granny's house during the summer. My Mom told me that she was watching me, but I sometimes wondered who was watching who!! But she'd get on her most comfortable dress and sit on the floor with me and we'd play different games. We'd go on walks and feed the ducks that were always by her apartment building. I remember going over to my Grandma and Grandpa's house for Thanksgiving get-together's with the whole family. My Grandpa would be sitting in his chair with his white socked-feet bouncing to music or watching "da Bears" play football. I remember too, going to the nursing home my Great-Grandma was in and we'd see her and she'd always say, "I'm ready to go home. I wish my Lord would take me now." Now, my Great-Grandma and my Grandpa are both in Heaven and we don't have those get-together's as much any more. My Grandma is getting older and more frail so we don't play games any more...but I still go over and this time, I really do watch and help her. My Mom doesn't read to us any more, and my Dad doesn't chase me (or act like he is). My sister and don't play Barbie's or with any other dolls any more.

Things have changed a lot since "the good ol' days." God's taught me so much, and is still teaching me every day. I have fond memories of my childhood days, and I think of them a lot and miss them. But God's been so good in the 22 years I've been here. At times, I want those days to be here again. I want to see my Great-Grandma and Grandpa again. I want to just sit and play with my sister. But, what I realize I really want, is life to be "simple" again. But life goes on...and God get more real each and every day. I have a few words to say to people. To my Dad: you are my hero and the man I look up to most. You are my first love and I can't thank you enough for the example you have set for me. Thanks for always guiding me and being my source of wisdom and strength. I love you, Daddy! To my Mom: You've worked hard all these years to raise me in a godly way, and I thank you for that. Thank you for teaching me things that nobody else could. Thanks for your love and always being there for me. I love you, Mom! To my sister: You are truly my best friend. You've taught me how to become a godly woman (though I'm not there yet) and you've set an example for me that I can never repay to you. Thank you for taking the time to teach me and show me the way to Christ. Your heart for serving God is a rebuke. Thank you for always being there when I needed to talk, and I hope I can repay you one day. I love you, Sherry. To my "big brother" Jeremiah: Thank you for giving me someone to pick on. Thank you for your advice and godly leadership you've shown me and the words of wisdom you've bestowed upon me. Your example and friendship are irreplaceable in my life. Thank you for encouraging me and helping me when I needed a "big brother." I love you, Jer. And last, but NOT least, to Lindz: You've become like another sister to me. You're one of my best friends. You are a true blessing from God. He sent you in my life, when I needed you most. Thank you for always being a true friend. Sharing secrets and always being there to give me a hug when I needed one. You were there for me when nobody else was, I can never repay you for your friendship you've shown me! I miss you more than words can say. I cherish you an our friendship. I love you, Lindz!

God has certainly blessed me beyond imagination with these relationships. I have many memories stored up, and I can't wait to make more. God is AMAZING. Simply amazing. He's taught me to depend more on Him and just how important the power of prayer really is. I encourage you all to take time today, right now, and thank Him for all the many wonderful things He's done in your life. I've started carrying around cards with verses on them to really hide God's word in my heart. I also started a "Prayer Box." I have cards in there for specific requests to pray for. God's already used this to bring me closer to Him. It's an awesome feeling to know I can talk to God whenever...and know that He will hear me. Go to Him. Through all the changes He's made in my life, I've realized He is all I need. This song is taking a new meaning in my life. I love this song. Read and meditate on the words. May you strive to finish this semester out strong...and may you make some great memories with your friends and families over Thanksgiving and Christmas this year. Who knows how many more we'll have together? Cherish the moment.

Oft time I've tried to live my life according to my will;
When darkness comes it's difficult to rest and just be still.
But Lord, You are my Shepherd; Who guides me in the way.
And I will learn this glorious truth if I Your Word obey.

You're all I need. You're the Lord of everything.
All I need. This is why I humbly sing:
Your strength is sustaining and Your grace has made me free.
You're my hearts lone desire, You're all I need.

By wanting more I've wanted less than all You've given me.
You gave Your all by laying down Your life at Calvary.
So I surrender all, Lord my best to you I give,
And thank You now for giving me a reason to live.

You're all I need. You're the Lord of everything.
All I need. This is why I humbly sing:
Your strength is sustaining and Your grace has made me free.
You're my hearts lone desire, You're all I need.

Between a rock and a hard place

I just check my PO Box and I got 3 things! :) One letter from my Grandma and another letter from a dear friend back home. The other thing was a contract for working at camp this coming summer. Now, I have always wanted to work at a camp, and so I would absolutely love this opportunity. However, my dad told me that I might not have the money to come back next fall if I don't work and save up money. Working at camp would not give me as much money as working at the job I've worked at for the past 4 summers. That job is spending an 8 hour day playing (and sometimes teaching!) Preschoolers. I completely love that job, and would really miss it. However, being a Camp Counselor is something I have truly wanted to do for a long time, and this summer, I'm getting that opportunity. But, what do I choose? I've been praying hard about this, and so have my parents, and yet, God has not answered. I know He'll show me the way, but at this point, it's hard to wait. So, if you happen to read this blog, please pray for me. I want more than anything to do God's will. I know He'll lead.

On a different note, I'm reading the book "Don't Waste Your Life" by John Piper. It has been amazing. The second chapter paints a vivid picture of God's love for us. When reading it, it literally brought me to tears. Thinking of how much God loves me, and how much I try but often don't show my love for Him is an amazing thought to me. Yes, we all know and have heard time and time again that God loved us so much, He sent His Son for us. But think about this. God created us, to glorify Himself. Some of the best ways we glorify God is by being His child and obeying Him and living our lives TO glorify Him. Think of that. He created us for His own glory. To me, this is inconceivable. Our duty is to delight in God...it is our joyful duty. That is the passion we all need to have. To joyfully delight in God. Be satisfied in Him. He is our all...and yet we always seem to want more. It actually makes me feel ashamed when I think of all God's given me so far, and how I keep seeming to demand more. It makes me feel ungrateful towards all the good He's already done. Amazing. To think of all this is simply amazing.

Things are getting interesting here in my room. (Yes, I know...odd of me to start talking of my room!) I shall get pictures and such put on here as soon as I find the cord that goes to my camera. It's a sad thing to not know where that is. I have a pretty funny video on there right now. Just to give you an idea of what it is...2 of my roommates and one friend from downstairs are "moving" around the room to a Disney song being played. It's quite on the funny side, if I do say so myself! But, alas, I can't find my cord, so I'm afraid you won't be seeing it any time soon! We recently rearranged the room. It looks a lot better now. More room in the middle. It's a nice set-up. I'm blessed to have such great roommates. There are a few things that we're working on in here...and so far they're going splendidly. The Lord gives grace...that's just about all I can say! :)

God's been teaching me much as far as my walk with Him goes. He's shown me truly that I have a long way to go before I'm anywhere close to being the woman He wants me to be. Though the road has not been an easy one, it's been a good one. New things are getting pointed out to me every where I turn. I'm seeing new situations that I haven't been placed in before and I'm learning how to deal with them. For the first time since coming to MBBC, I think I'm beginning to understand why He sent me here. It's a great college...and I truly love it. And now, I'm getting a glimpse as to why God called me from BJ to come here. And all I can say to that is, Thank You, Lord!

Psalm 16:11 "Thou wilt shew me the path of life: in thy presence is fulness of joy; at thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore."

Make my life an alleluia, a song of praise to You each day.
To proclaim Your grace and glory, fill my heart with Your praise, I pray.
When I stand at the mountaintop, or the valley of despair,
This will be my cry, my song, my prayer;
Lord make my life an alleluia.

Make my life an alleluia, a gift of love to You, my king.
I will join with all creation in the song that the heavens sing!
The earth will turn, and the planets spin, as the seasons ebb and flow;
Still Your grace surrounds me as I go,
Lord, make my life an alleluia.

Make my life an alleluia, this off'ring of myself I give.
I will share Your grace and mercy for as long as I shall live.
When I come to my journey's end, may those left behind be reminded,
This has been my cry, my song, my prayer;
Lord make my life an alleluia.

Perfect In God's Will

I'm actually posting again this week! Isn't that cool?! Ok, so I'm probably the only one that thinks it's cool. But, anyway, I actually don't have much to say tonight. Well, I guess I could put a lot down, but I'll refrain. I'm to the point where I'm in need of a break. Thanksgiving break is NOT coming fast enough! I can't wait to be home with my parents and my sister (my best friend EVER!!!) just hanging out and having fun. It'll be so nice. It's coming. Slowly but surely...it's coming. I got my midterm grades yesterday. Not too bad. I've got some work to do! Only 1 C and the rest B's. So, I've got some work to do before the real grades come out.

Have you ever just been so completely in awe of God? I was totally in awe of Him yesterday and today. It's Missions Conference this week and we have some different missionaries presenting their work. I'm not sure where God's calling me or what He'll call me to do in the future, but to see these people get up and have such a heart for serving God in these countries, just puts me in awe of Him. He's has called those people that He knows will best be used in these countries. And then, He qualifies them. Like that saying, "God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called." And here I am, thinking of how inadequate I am to be called and used of God, yet He can and will still use me if I'm serving Him and let Him guide me. Amazing. He knows exactly the path that I will walk in the future (for however long He keeps me here) and it's a perfect plan. No, it won't always be easy, and yeah, I'm gonna want to question Him (and more times than not I WILL question Him) but yet, His way is perfect. God's really teaching me this right now. When I look at things in my life and wonder "Why?" He knows what He's doing. Things in my life are not perfect...but they're going perfectly according to God's will. Isn't that an amazing thought? It's so easy to get discouraged and down and not want to get up when you fall. But God's grace is so amazing and faithful. God is amazing. I can't comprehend it...I can't even begin to understand it. But, I'm so glad He's faithful, especially when I'm not!

How wide is Your love
That You would stretch Your arms
And go around the world
And why for me would a Savior's cry be heard

I don't know
Why You went where I was meant to go
I don't know
Why You love me so

Those were my nails
That was my crown
That pierced Your hands and Your brow
Those were my thorns
Those were my scorns
Those were my tears that fell down
And just as You said it would be
You did it all for me
And after You counted the cost
You took my shame, my blame
On my cross

How deep is Your grace
That you could see my need
And chose to take my place
And then for me, these words I'd hear You say

Father no
Forgive them for they know not what they do
I will go
Because I love them so

I love the words to this song. It seriously makes me cry when I read these words and think of the price Christ paid for me. That was my cross that He died on. I deserve it...not Him. Yet He loves me (and you!) so much, He gave His life. Amazing. That's all I can say. God is Amazing.

A song on my mind

The King of love my Shepherd is,
Whose goodness faileth never,
I nothing lack if I am His
And He is mine forever.

Where streams of living water flow
My ransomed soul He leadeth,
And where the verdant pastures grow,
With food celestial feedeth.

Perverse and foolish oft I strayed,
But yet in love He sought me,
And on His shoulder gently laid,
And home, rejoicing, brought me.

In death’s dark vale I fear no ill
With Thee, dear Lord, beside me;
Thy rod and staff my comfort still,
Thy cross before to guide me.

Thou spread’st a table in my sight;
Thy unction grace bestoweth;
And O what transport of delight
From Thy pure chalice floweth.

And so through all the length of days
Thy goodness faileth never;
Good Shepherd, may I sing Thy praise
Within Thy house forever.

I have a lot on my mind today...one of which just happens to be this song. I feel as though I could write a book on here today, but I won't! I'll leave you with this song to mediate on. Read the words slowly. God is amazing. Truly amazing.

Be Still

I love it when you're reading a passage in the Bible and a verse just sort of "pops" out at you. I was reading in my NASB (no, I'm not KJV only...sorry if that offends someone) but in Psalm 46 verse 10 says "Be still and know that I am God..." reads like this in the NASB; "Cease striving, and know that I am God;..." I like the phrase, "cease striving." I know I haven't been still. I honestly long for that period of time that I can just "be still" and be with God. It amazes me that the longer I spend with God, the better off life seems to be. I'm breaking new ground there! :) But, I've been able to look back and see the days when I was in a good mood and felt like I could conquer all, was when I had had that quiet time where I was still with God. If we do this, He'll open our hearts and open our eyes to the wonderful things in His law. I was still today. I've recently heard commotion about the 13th book in "The Series of Unfortunate Events" and how it came out yesterday. And, honestly, I have not read those books. So, while I was at the Watertown library on Thursday, I found the the first book, and checked it out. I'm nearly half-way through and yeah, it's a good book. One I'm sure I'll be picking up the rest of! But, I was still last night and today, and just read. It was good to have the relaxation time and to just...be still. I wasn't worried about what else I'd be doing today. I wasn't concerned about the tests I have coming up this week (although I should be!). I was just relaxing with a good book. And then I studied for a while. Now granted, that time would have been better spent with God, but I've had some time with Him today. And it was good. In fact, I'm about ready to spend just a little more time with Him before I hit the books again. There's something drawing me back. So, I'm about to "be still" again. And find that quiet place where God will speak to me. It's a wonderful thing to sit and think about. How we, as Christians, are able to have this type of intimate relationship with our Creator. We can go to Him 24/7 in prayer. And He knows! And He WANTS us to come to Him. Amazing. God is amazing. Dwell on Him. Delight in Him. Be still and know that He IS God.

Various Blessings

So it's been awhile since I've updated. But things are going well. God has truly been teaching me so much more than I could ever put in a single post. I don't have a ton of time right now (a quiz and a test tomorrow!), but I did want to write a few of the things God has been teaching me. Last night before I went to bed, I read from the "Taste and See" book by John Piper. The reading was AMAZING. I had thought about typing the whole thing out, but decided against it. You all should pick this book up and read all of them, but especially number 55. That was last night's reading. God really used it to get my heart and open my eyes. I actually have a burning desire right now to pick up my Bible and just read. And pray that God will open my eyes to things He has for me to learn from this precious book. I didn't want to put my Bible down last night, yet I needed to get some sleep. But, today, all I could think about was what God taught me last night. How much time I DON'T spend in His word and prayerfully read the words that are written. How much time I DO spend on other measly tasks, yet His word and my quiet time with Him always get pushed out. And now, I can't seem to put it down! It's amazing. God has truly opened my eyes to the WONDERFUL things in His word.

I went to the doctor last week and found out that what was then a bacterial infection turned into strep throat. But, thankfully, I got an anti-biotic and am not strep free (I think!) and also pill free. I took my last one tonight. It's a good feeling! I'm hoping to not get that again for at least a little while! But, while I was sitting in the doctor's office (that is one of the places where the wait can be quite long) I got to read another chapter in my "The Calvary Road" book. Again...AMAZING chapter! It's titled, "Are you willing to be a servant?" And at first glance, I thought, "Oh, another thing to read about servanthood. I already know that I'm supposed to serve, yadda, yadda, yadda." And starting out with this mindset...yep. You guessed it! God opened my heart and eyes and I realized that I wasn't being a servant. Right off the bat, Roy Hession states that once we understand the humility and self-emptying that is involved in servanthood, then and only then are we able to take on the position of a servant. He talks of the two different types of servants mentioned in the Bible. One is a hired servant that gets paid and has rights, and the second is a bondservant that does not get paid and has no rights and no appeal. In the Old Testament the Hebrews were forbidden to make bondservants from their own race, but the Gentiles were allowed to take such slaves. But when we go to the New Testament, the word in Greek for our LORD and Savior, Jesus Christ isn't a hired servant, but a bondservant, which shows us that our position is to be the same. A bondservant to Jesus Christ with no appeal, no rights, and to be treated and disposed of just as He wishes. This reading about a true servant rebuked me and made me just how much of a servant I am not. But by His grace, He's teaching me more and more each day to be a true servant to Him and others.

I'm really striving to have a heart for God. And allowing Him to dwell in my heart. It's easier said than done! I'm learning all the time that I have so far to go until I'm where God wants me. Sometimes it feels as if I'm going backwards. But I know He isn't finished with me yet. And that's what I love. I hope to take the rest of today, tomorrow, the rest of this week and month and year to truly let God change me and for me to take delight in Him.

Psalm 90

This Psalm is actually a prayer of Moses. So many good things are in this chapter. I recommend all of you reading it at least once and just open your heart to what God would have you to learn from it. The Psalm starts out with a great verse. "LORD, thou hast been our dwelling place in all generations." Our dwelling place. The word dwell means "to remain for a time" or "to live as a resident." To think of God as my dwelling place...isn't possible. Honestly, God isn't my dwelling place. But He should be. I should be in His Word and living for Him so much that He is my dwelling place. But, He's not...yet. I'm hoping and really striving to change that. The next thing in this chapter that really hits home and really opened my eyes was verses 4-12 (or thereabouts). These verses talk of how a thousand years to us, is but one day to God. And verse 12 says, "So teach us to number our days, that we may apply our hearts unto wisdom." Number our days. In the book I'm going through with the Psalms, there's a suggestion to see how many days you have already lived. And if the Lord allows you to live to be 70...that's about 25,550 days...how many days do you have left? How are you going to live those days? Yeah, it may seem like a lot of days left...but we never know when God will call us home. I've heard lots of messages on this topic about not wasting your life and making every day count for Christ. But until today, my eyes weren't that open about the subject. I surrendered today and prayed that God would help me use every day to honor and glorify HIM and Him alone. A day isn't worth living...if it's not for Christ.

I also read another chapter in the book "The Calvary Road." Again, it was amazing. The title of the chapter is "The Dove and the Lamb." In this chapter, Roy Hession talks about Christ being both. He starts off by using the verse John 1:29, "...behold the Lamb of God which taketh away the sin of the world." As John baptized Jesus, the heavens opened and the Spirit of God descended like a Dove. Roy Hession goes on to talk about these animals picturing Christ's humility. Had Christ not been pictured as a Lamb with humility, submissiveness, and self-surrender, the Dove couldn't have rested upon Him. The Dove would have been frightened if the Lamb wasn't so gentle. This is how we are to be. Just like the Lamb. If we are like the Lamb, then the Dove (the Holy Spirit) can come and abide in us. He can't rest upon us while we aren't broken for Him. Roy Hession gives 5 dispositions of the Lamb. He states that the Lamb is simple (having no plans of helping itself), shorn (willing to be shorn of His rights, His reputation, and every human liberty that was due to Him, just as a lamb is shorn of its wool), silent (while he was facing all that the mockers said to Him that day on the cross, "He answered nothing."), spotless (nothing but love was in His heart that day), and the substitute (taking OUR place on that cross to die a horrible death) lamb. To think of MY sins on that cross with MY Savior...He bore MY horrible and awful sins...so that I may be in Heaven one day. He didn't have to, but He did. He doesn't have to still bear EVERY horrible sin I commit...but He does. Roy Hession gives a little illustration to help us all see Christ carrying our sins. The illustration says that there was a saintly African Christian and one day, as he was climbing up a hill, he heard footsteps behind him. He turned and saw a Man carrying a very heavy load up the hill on his back. As he looked closer, he saw scars on His hands and realized it was Jesus. This man said to Him, "Lord, are you carrying the sins of the world up this hill?" "No," replied Jesus, "not the world's sin, just yours!" At first, this may seem kind of odd to hear, but truly think about it. Christ carrying YOUR sins. MY sins. My heart broke as I read this and realized how many of my sins He was carrying. My prayer is for God to break me and make me more like Him. Look to the cross.